First, let me introduce myself, I am a 39 yr. old mother of two boys and living with my S/O and the boys in a quaint little house, with one bathroom, in the country that I absolutely despise. It's the kind of place where all the kids are friends and all the men cut grass with their John Deere's on Saturday's and go to Church on Sunday's. I am a nurse by trade, but about five yrs ago I fucking snapped! I was diagnosed "Bipolar" If your not sure what Bipolar is, look it up because it's way too complicated to explain. All I can say is every night I take enough fucking medicine to kill a large dog. OK, so living with all boys/men since I was 17 hasn't been the easiest fucking thing I've ever done but I have adjusted. By that, I mean I grew up in a house full of women, me, 2 sisters and my mother. At first I thought I knew how horrible my Father must have had it but there was nothing to prepare me for things to come. As my boys got older and I mean like 13 and 8, I experienced something that no mother should ever have to go through. My sweet, innocent 8 year old came to me with his pillow. He asked, "Mom, there is something on my pillow!" "It's gross!" He was right, it was fucking gross and embarrassing. Here I am trying to figure out what it was and it hit me! It hit me hard, after I had touched, smelled and examined it for a good 10 minutes, I realized some nasty ass had masturbated onto my 8 yr old sons pillow! WTF? What kind of disgusting person jack's off into a little boys pillow, I mean use your own fucking pillow! Right? As they got older it only got worse and more embarrassing, I mean really, when you walk into your boys rooms and OMG, see a roll of toilet paper on the nightstand with some crusty, crumbled up, use pieces you can't help but look then look away like you didn't see it. Then I would turn around and wish God to strike me dead! But all three males in this house are getting more clever, the man of the house showers at 5 in the morning, so nobody gives a shit how long or what he is doing in there. But, the boys, I mean, can't a bitch catch a break? They take a minimum of 30 minute showers! It took me a while to figure out was going on in there, it's not like I am the hall monitor, but, like I said "one bathroom" so when I have to pee I realized how long they were taking in there. Then, I started noticing that my conditioner was running out rather fast. I mean, every time I wash, I condition, so how is my conditioner vanishing 3 times as fast as my shampoo??? Well we are not shy around here so I flat out asked all three of them what the fuck where they doing with my conditioner? Of course they all denied it, like some other fucking pervert sneaks into the house to jerk off with my expensive conditioner. Well I started buying jumbo bottles of Suave, and wrote in big black sharpie, on my good conditioner "PROPERTY OF MOM, DO NOT JERK OFF WITH!" Now how embarrassing for them right? Wrong, and it's not just the boys, the man in the house is 50 and clever enough to hide his tracks or just blame it on "teenage harmones" Finally I said fuck it. I could by .99 conditioner or 100.00 conditioner, they would still whack it with MY stuff. The funny thing is, if I asked any of them to go buy me some conditioner from the store, they would look at me like I was seriously fucking retarded for thinking they knew what kind I used. So, from now on if I ever need them to buy my conditioner, I'll just ask them to go get some of that creamy stuff that you so love to jerk off with. Maybe they will get the picture then....but, they are boys, so probably fucking NOT! So, ladies if your conditioner is vanishing like mine, now you know why!